Mamta Mozumdar

In my service to others, I would like to acknowledge that there is an invincible power that resides within every human being. It just requires us to shift our perspective and the world of possibilities exists for all. Responsibility is a possibility that promises each of us the realization of our full potential.

 
Being born the youngest, stereotypically, I should have been the most cherished one in the family, however that was not my childhood experience. Growing up in an over-protective, aggressive, and conservative environment, I was never given the chance to be ‘myself.’ Rather, I was being used as a convenience whenever, whoever or however I was needed. This led me to suppress my real feelings of wanting to be loved and eventually become a people pleaser to safeguard my splintered self. This resulted in me feeling abused, exploited, and with a great sense of dissonance with the world around me.

I lost my voice and could not take a stand for myself in any area of my life including my first marriage. As a child, my dream was to care for my home and create a harmonious family but alas it was not meant to be. I began my marriage feeling hopeful. I devoted myself completely to my new family, but soon it became clear that my love was not reciprocated. To save myself from constant rejection, I took respite in my professional life. I poured all my love and devotion into work and the rewards came manyfold. I felt validated and acknowledged as I had never before. My work gave me a reason to live. While I was suffering in my personal life, riddled with self doubt and feeling unloved, my professional life was thriving. 

Success in my professional life renewed my confidence which further propelled me to work harder to make my first marriage a success because failure in any area was not an option for me at that time. I kept pushing harder for a harmonious family. However, the constant suppression of my true feelings was crushing my spirit and my inner being was dying a slow death. I urged to escape but didn’t have the courage.

A chance encounter with my second husband gave me an escape window that I had been searching for desperately.  In attempting to escape or free ourselves, we blame something or someone for having gotten us into that trap. I made the decision to leave my old life behind, which included my eldest daughter, and catapult myself into a new beginning hoping for a better outcome.

Although everything seemed good on the outside, we started slipping into the “World of Blame” which looked and felt familiar. The guilt of leaving my first born behind was robbing me of whatever little happiness I had in this new life. The experience of all kinds of real and imaginary threats led to an awakening of the survival instincts that were real. I sunk deeper into the world of blame with a strong defense mechanism to justify the blame. 

Attracting problems and challenges had become an integral part of me. ‘Escape’ this time was not an option. I wanted to prove to the world, especially my family, that the first momentous decision that I had taken in my life on my own terms, was not going to lead to failure. I was determined to make my second marriage work. This pledge to myself took me on an uncharted path of self discovery leading to personal transformation. 

Transformation was not easy because it meant letting go of my ego, owning my failures, and taking responsibility for every thought, word, and action. I realized that in responsibility, I did not have the option of blaming anyone or anything. On this path, I met many visionaries who in their own ways contributed to my inner awakening. I extend my heartfelt gratitude to each and every one of my mentors! 

As I examined my inner self more closely, I realized that every concern had a significant relationship to my source of existence, a world in which we were first greeted at our birth. A world where we learn to talk, learn to bond and learn to discover ourselves through the eyes of our parents, our siblings, our culture, our school and our environment. A world where we absorb the perceptions, the actions, and the beliefs of others as they become an integral part of our Being. 

A decade later, I was happier, freer but still felt incomplete. Broken relationships in my world were unresolved and filled with resentments. This is when I courageously embarked on the journey, ‘Program For Life’  to navigate the part of me that was rooted in these resentments which were unconsciously attached to my relationships with the source. Dismantling those resentments led me to true freedom.

Reflection revealed my deepest concern, yearning for acknowledgment, that was the root cause of multiple patterns within my personality such as “I do not matter to others,” “I am not good enough,” “I need to work hard to receive love and affection” etc. The yearning to receive the acknowledgment would trigger my deep-rooted anger, resentments and guilt. 

The realization of this concern and the associated patterns were enough to shake my reality to an extent that I surrendered. Surrendering always brings freedom. 

My mission is “To empower people to live in the world of responsibility.”